The intricacies of relationships with married men
To condemn the mistress of a man who has a family, always easy, pleasant, and sometimes it’s even useful for self-assessment. She’s not lived with a young husband in military camps, not sewed his socks, when he worked as a Manager supervisors, and brought him to the library, the lunch, when he wrote the first thesis.
Mistress married men just came and took everything that was brought up, fed and endured years of unimaginable labor real wife. Or at least tried to take that too deserves censure and swearing in his address.
Maybe she should sympathize with? It’s not to the mistress of a married man come back every evening, and they tell them the most important and insignificant news, and with them rejoice in the success of their children. At least once in life every woman been in a situation like “I love the married, and if not, then she is using it may still have. The fact that destiny is usually spares no effort on his favourite trick called “do not promise”. And when she’s pulling off this your focus, becomes not so obvious how best to behave with a man who has a lawful wife.
Scenario # 1: seeing the ring, quickly and quietly get away
Moral damage: minor, temporary, unilateral.
How to behave? We cannot allow the development of relationships, allowing them to go beyond just friends. Oh, the light of the unfortunate lovers, who once naively decided that a little flirtation, or casual sex with a strange man nothing complicate.
“Never even could not think that will be in place of a mistress. Never convicted, but the sense this is all I have, ” says Anna, 24 years old. And one day accidentally met Sergei, with whom we struck up a conversation. I also knew that he has a wife. Decided that just a little entertained and finish it. However, all this turned around so that he became my first true love. Of course, I promised myself not to argue with him did not trust him. However, how can we not be trusted, if you really love? Involuntarily all forgive and justify all”.
Not to suffer in the future from excruciating pain, it is better to mentally hang the label “outside game” to family man. In Russian villages there are ladies who seem to be born with a happy blindness the married individuals. For them, a married man is still a child, man or woman, who is not even considered as a potential sexual partner. Yes, if you could safely end a relationship with a thought, wouldn’t it be in the world of broken families and single women. However, the heart, as you know, not command, so it is better to stay away from married men: do not allow to touch it, and most do not touch them, and don’t even think about kissing! Not to mention something more. As the saying goes, out of sight, out of mind! Throw away from thinking about married men, and then your heart will remain intact and you will get everything at the root.
Scenario # 2: to stop the already started relationship
Moral damage: substantial, temporary, unilateral.
How to behave? To convince herself that the relationship though, and bring joy, but still lead to nothing. Experienced, so to say “professional” mistress (Yes there are) say that 3 months is quite enough time in order to have time to get used to depending on men who are already married, but to determine whether he is ready to divorce her for another woman.
“Establishing relationships with married men, a woman is not always aware of what “love” is the only word that should be expected, ” says Natalya Tolstaya, an experienced psychologist working in the area of relationships. – The fact that a man meets a woman is not required to or patronized her forever to be with her”.
With expert agrees and the perpetrators of amorous accidents. Here, for example, says 35-year-old Vadim: “I am absolutely convinced that the man in a few minutes after meeting a woman knows exactly what value it will have in his life, will marry him or will forever remain a nobody. And the mistress will never take the place of the wife, as these women are too different for us, and we simply find it unnecessary to rearrange them”.
To remain a mistress is much more difficult than to gather strength and to break the link with no prospects of development. Although, sometimes you have to man up and fight, because not everyone wants to abandon a nice “bonus”. “After six years of a love relationship with a colleague, who has a wife, I decided to interrupt,” says 26-year-old Irina. He started to follow me in the office, phoning after work, come in the night, in order, as he said, “look at me”. Even ruined my started a serious relationship. And suddenly, once again, he informed me that he left a “gift” to me. Having passed all the tests, I learned that I have hepatitis”. Strange but true: this vile man is not a figment of the imagination of the author of this article, and very real instance.
Scenario # 3: start to fight for your own happiness
Moral damage: substantial, temporary, full
How to behave? Wholeheartedly believe in skillful stories about men his dreadful wife, who with light siivet, to your own body does not allow, does not allow divorce, and even children against their father’s tunes. Not to think that all this is probably a real lie. Pity the poor and to fight for his (and your) happiness. Psychologists advise in such situations to surround the male atmosphere of coziness and comfort, transforming your home into a peaceful haven where he wants to come again and again. An experienced mistress is recommended not to ask such men, and each of them the possibility of anywhere to go or even a small gift type chocolate to take with delight and outpourings like “you’re my hero!”. Do not start talking about his wife not to associate himself with it in men’s minds, and certainly never force a man to compare you with her. You need to be the best and passionate partner in sex, and to learn unparalleled role to play silly love girls. And, finally, to leave, saying to the man that in a month you are waiting for him with things, but otherwise don’t expect at all. To give the address, and disappear in that time. In this case, you must be sure that the man actually leaving my family, to the mistress that should be the happiness of life.
“None of my partners, who were married, in fact I was not necessary,” says 28-year-old Ale. – As soon as any of them came to me with a suitcase, I did surprised eyes and said: “Sorry, I was wrong! It was not love, so let’s just be friends!” Gone are they having you look like a beaten dog, arriving shortly before the proud eagles. It seems to me that married men are inherently second-rate to free the girls, and they cannot be taken as true partners. At best, family man just gone, used and thrown away like some worthless thing. Just don’t want liars, not able to build an honest relationship”.
Scenario # 4: to be accustomed to live in the status of a mistress
Moral damage: substantial, permanent, unilateral.
How to behave? To recognize that the withdrawal of men from the wife is the exception to the rule, and agree that the relationship with such a person don’t have a future. “The lovers rarely get married. However, for those who do manage to survive until the wedding, compare your marriage with the morning after the thesis defense, which took a lot of time and effort, ” explains psychologist Natalya Tolstaya. – In many cases, a mistress and retains its status, remaining just “secret joy” and occupying the last place – after the wife, work and kids.” For the plight of the eternal mistress just don’t take a married man, as the only outlet in my life. Career, friends, other men and personal freedom must always take first place. It should be able to maintain independence, not letting her lover at the door, if you don’t like in his behavior. The perfect woman (in addition to his wife, of course) is the Muse, never worsening mood myself living so exciting that the man was infected by her energy. Only in this case, relationship with married men can bring in addition to the constant pain and the joy.
Here is what the 35-year-old Svetlana: “I am the mistress of married men, which I really love. And I am not worried about the fact that he has a wife and children, because I don’t want to marry him. Was once married, and I did not like. And my children are also. I don’t want to sort out his relationship with his wife: let it out, if something does not suit her. I once did, when they found out about the infidelity of her husband. Now I have a wonderful life – no domestics alone joy: a diverse sex, restaurants, interesting job”. Commendable, though not very unenviable.
If the relationship does not bring joy and began to resemble a psychological dependence, separation is inevitable. And better to do it as soon as possible. In other cases, we can agree with the truth: the mistress has the same right to love selected a man as his wife.