Why he doesn’t want
This phenomenon has gained momentum in the last seven years. A whole generation of young people who “want nothing”. No money, no career, no personal life. They sit all day at computers, they are not interested in girls (except quite a bit, so as not to strain). They are generally not going to work. Generally, they were satisfied with the life that already have parental kvartira, a little bit of money on cigarettes, beer. It is no more. What’s wrong with them?
Sasha led a consultation mother. Excellent 15-year-old boy, a dream of every girl: sporty, with words, not rude, eyes alive, vocabulary not like
Ellochka-ogress, plays tennis and guitar.
The main complaint of the mother, just the cry of tortured souls, “Well why doesn’t he want?!”
DETAILS OF THE STORY
What do you mean “nothing”, I am interested. Nothing at all? Or eat, sleep, walk, play, watch movies he wants?
It turns out that Sasha didn’t want to do anything from the list of “normal” cases for the teenager. Ie:
meet the girls;
to help my mother with the housework;
and even ride with my mom on vacation.
Mother in anguish and despair. Rose a hefty man, and never going to do — as from a goat of milk. But for him, all for his sake, everything was denied, undertook any work on mugs drove, expensive section was taken, in language camps abroad were sent first and he sleeps till noon, then turns on the computer till night in chasing toys. And she was hoping that he will grow, and it will be easier!
I continue to ask. Who is on the family? Who earns the money? What functions?
It turns out that Sasha’s mother has long one, divorced when he was five years old, “father was the same lazy, maybe it’s genetically transmitted?”. She works, works, because it has to contain three (myself, my grandmother and Sasha), comes home to night, deadly tired. The house stays at grandma’s, and she engaged in agriculture, and Sasha watching. Only trouble is — Sasha completely out of hand, my grandmother doesn’t listen, not even snarls, just skips past the ears.
He goes to school, when he wants, when he wants — not walk. He faces the army, but it seems that it is not a bit worried. He’s not making any effort to learn at least a little better, although all the teachers in one voice say that the head for his gold and have an ability. The school of the elite, government, history. But in order to stay there, you have to take tutoring in core subjects. And still the deuces in the quarter, and can be deleted.
Around the house not doing anything at all, even a Cup not going to wash, grandma with a stick forced to carry heavy bags of groceries from the store, and then he is on the food tray to the computer is.
“What is with him? — already almost crying mother. — I all life gave him!”
Next time I see Sasha one. Really, good boy, good-looking, fashionably and expensively dressed, but not provocatively. A bit too good. He’s kind of lifeless. The picture in the magazine for girls, glamorous Prince, though a pimple somewhere was.
With me is kept friendly, polite, demonstrates openness and willingness to cooperate. Ugh, I feel like a character from American TV series for Teens: the protagonist at the reception of the psychoanalyst. I want to say something mate. Okay, remember, who’s a Pro.
You won’t believe it is almost word for word plays the mom’s text! 15-year-old guy talking like a school teacher: “I’m lazy. My laziness prevents me to achieve goals. And I really unassembled, can one point to stare and sit so an hour.”
Do what you want?
Yeah nothing special wants. School is boring, stupid lessons, although teachers are cool, the best. Friends no next of kin, and no girlfriend. No plans.
That is, he is not going to make mankind happy by any of 1539 ways known to civilization, he has no plans to become a Megastar, he doesn’t need wealth, career growth and achievement. He doesn’t need anything. Thank you, we all have.
Slowly a picture begins to emerge, I will not say very unexpected for me.
About three years Sasha was doing. First, preparation for school, swimming and English. Then I went to school — was added horse riding. Now, in addition to learning in mathematics Lyceum, he goes to English classes at MGIMO, two sports clubs and to the tutor. In the yard, do not walk, not watching the telly once. In the computer, so mom complains, plays only in the holidays, and even then not every day.
Formally, all these classes were voluntarily selected by Sasha. But when I asked what he wanted to do, if not we had to learn, he says “play the guitar”. (Options, heard from other respondents: play football, play on the computer, doing nothing, just walking). Play. Remember this answer and move on.
WHAT’S WRONG WITH HIM
You know, I have these clients are in one week a person by three. Almost every request for boys aged from 13 to 19 is about this: doesn’t want any. In each case I see the same picture: active, energetic, ambitious mother, an absent dad, or grandma, or nanny-housekeeper. More often still, grandma.
The family system is distorted: the mother takes the role of men in the house. She’s the breadwinner, she makes all decisions, contact with the outside world, protect if necessary. But she not at home, she in the fields and hunting.
The fire in the hearth supports grandma, only she doesn’t have the levers of power in relation to their “common” to the child, he may not listen, and be rude. If it were mom and dad, dad would come from work in the evening, mother would he complained of the misconduct of the son, dad would smash your head — and all the love. And then you can complain, but hit no one.
The mother is trying to give his son everything: the most fashionable entertainment, the most necessary books, any gifts and purchases. But the son is not happy. And again and again we hear the refrain: “don’t wants”.
And at me after a while begins to itch just inside question: “And when he might want? If it has long been the mother of all othoteli, hotmetal, planned out and done.”
That’s when the kid is five years old sitting at home alone, she rolls on the carpet machine, plays, growls, buzzes, builds bridges and fortresses — at this point he begins to emerge and Mature desire, at first vague and unconscious, gradually evolving into something specific: I want a big fire truck with men. Then it waits for work with mom or dad, expresses his desire to receive a response. Usually: “just Wait until the New year (birthday, pay)”. And you have to wait, to endure, to dream about this car before bedtime, to have a foretaste of the happiness of possession, to imagine her (yet the car). Thus the child learns to communicate with our inner world in terms of desires.
How was Sasha (and all other Sash, with which I deal)?
Wanted — wrote my mom text messaged, sent mom ordered via Internet in the evening brought. Or Vice versa: why do you have this machine, you have homework, you read two pages speech therapy primer? Time — and broke the story. All. Dream no longer be obtained.
These boys have really is all there: the latest smart phones, the last models of jeans, a trip to the sea four times a year. But the possibility of just kicking the noodle. Meanwhile boredom — the most that neither is a creative state of mind, without it is impossible to find something. The child should be bored and homesick, so there was a need to move and act.
And he is deprived of even the basic right to decide him to go to the Maldives or not. Mom’s all for it decided.
To be continued.